Welcome to the mental health hotline
Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.
-If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
-If you are Codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
-If you are Multiple Personality, pres 3 – 4 – 5 – 6
-If you are Paranoid, we know what you are, and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
-If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
-If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are Depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press no one will answer you.
-If you are Dyslexic, press 69696969
-If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep, after the beep please wait for the beep.
-If you have a Short Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.
-And if you have Low Self-Esteem, hang up—all our operators are too busy to talk to you.