Welcome to the mental health hotline

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.

-If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

-If you are Codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

-If you are Multiple Personality, pres 3 – 4 – 5 – 6

-If you are Paranoid, we know what you are, and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.

-If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

-If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

-If you are Depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press no one will answer you.

-If you are Dyslexic, press 69696969

-If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep, after the beep please wait for the beep.

-If you have a Short Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.

-And if you have Low Self-Esteem, hang up—all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

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About Boris Chang

Writer, filmmaker, photographer, musician, actor, philosopher, art/food advocate and critic, and incorrigible cynic. I don't hold back on my opinions. Neither should you. Visit me at Facebook.com/TheRealBorisChang Follow me on Twitter: @boris_chang Email me at TheRealBorisChang@gmail.com Tune me in to any interesting art/music shows, exhibits, concerts, recitals, poetry/literature readings/contests, film shoots, and so on that the mainstream media may have overlooked.

Posted on August 12, 2011, in Humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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